Sometimes the emotional traumas we live through come out in different ways.
This is her story:
I’m sick today.
Home from work with a throat that smothers my voice, making me useless on the phone.
Last night, I was rife with anxiety. My body was tense, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking, I had to force myself to eat. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what specific fucked up thing in my life has crawled under my skin. Work is going so well, my relationship has never been better, my dog’s ear infection is healing amazingly, and so on.
A Letter I Can’t Send: To My Husband, I Know You Will Never Read This
We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser. Letters where actual contact is just not possible.Do you have a letter you can’t send?While you may not be able to send it, there are tremendous power in your words and your stories. Send the letter to The Band, and we’ll support you.
6 years ago I met you.
5 Years ago I married you. I have loved you every day since.
When we met I was searching, for what - I don’t know. I was coming out of a horrible marriage entangled with abuse and infidelity. You were my sunshine on a cloudy day, the reason I smiled. You made me feel wanted and loved and needed. You made me believe that I was capable of relationship.
On A Happy Note
I have written a few dark and heavy hearted posts on here so I figured it was about time I wrote something happy and uplifting!
My two year old had struggled with speech for a long time. He had a vocabulary of 4 words when he should have had over 50. We spoke to a few specialists and he has been in Speech Therapy for about a month. HE IS DOING AMAZING! Every week it is like he is learning something new, and he isn’t as frustrated because he can’t communicate with us. That is also a plus for us because it was getting really rough for a while trying to figure out what he needs and what was wrong when he didn’t have the tools to express it to us in a way we would understand.
I can see so much progress in him already and it shows because he is a much happier little man and gets really excited with each new word he learns. I absolutely love watching him learn and explore this new skill that many take for granted in a way. Imagine not being able to talk and express your needs and wants, it would be tough on anyone.
So that is my happy note for today!
Sending happy vibes to everyone in the band!
A Letter You’ll Never Read
I loved you effortlessly. I was trusting, giving, and naive. I loved you before I knew your true nature. Your smile, your ease, your power put me at peace. We talked for hours about God and His goodness, Jesus and His love.
It was love at first sight. We talked and walked in the summer sun, we laughed and ran to avoid the Florida rainstorms. I thought in my heart that a man who feared God would be the man I would be with forever. Before I knew what I had done, my heart was yours. I would follow you to the ends of the earth.
Little did I know that to you I was a tool; you had always manipulated to get your way and were a seasoned abuser, skilled at stabbing and twisting at just the right moments. You said God told you to take my virginity away from me. Did He also tell you to shame me after my first time? You named me a whore, a temptress, a slut that lured you into hell, and then you pulled me close and kept me for yourself.
New Relationship Needs TLC
5 years ago I finally was able to get myself and my two children out of an emotionally abusive relationship. It wasn’t easy, and definitely took a toll on all of us. However, the kids and I WERE able to move on, and although life isn’t perfect (is it ever?), it’s decidedly BETTER.
Today, I find myself in a non-abusive relationship with a really great man. He takes care of me and my children and is wonderful in so many ways. Yet he can’t seem to understand why I am often sad and moody, sometimes depressed, and why I am constantly asking for him to validate me, our relationship, and his love for me. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that I can’t even explain to him how I am feeling or why.
Loneliness Got The Better Of Me
This is the first time I’ve stumbled onto Band Back Together and found much strength in your stories. Thank you, The Band.
My story began when I moved to a small town for a job – the furthest I’ve been from home. I tried hard to fit in, but I’m a quiet person which can make friendships difficult. My boyfriend and I had been doing long-distance relationship for two years. It’s tough, but worth it. In the meantime, I wanted to keep myself busy.
This fall, I joined a choir and after our Christmas concert, I was introduced to a guy in the choir. He asked about my after-concert plans – I’d planned to go home, but gave him my contact information. Soon, he dropped hints about how pretty I looked when I sang, that he’d admired me during choir rehearsals, he spent every week looking forward to seeing me again.
I told him that I was flattered, but that I had a boyfriend. Could we be friends? He agreed that we could be friends, which made me happy. We started getting to know each other. When he suggested we hang out, I said yes – no harm in that. He came over and opened up to me.
In Need Of Advice
When I was 7 years old, I was sexually assaulted by another child, another girl, once every week for around a year. I know many people think children are not capable of committing sexual assault, and dismiss it as natural exploration and ‘playing doctor.’ When I was a child, I took part in normal childhood sexual exploration with other children, such as looking at each others bodies and maybe occasional light touching. These explorations were not done in an adult sexual manner. They were something I know to be normal, and not an unpleasant experience for the participants. So I know the difference between normal childhood behaviour such as this, and other behaviour, which is abusive.
Not An Accident
I met him when I was fifteen, and we were together for almost three years. We lived together for two of those years. It wasn’t all bad. At times, it was blissful. We would sing to each other, and spend hours just laying in bed together.
Which was why I believed him for so long that it was always an accident.
He anally raped me six or seven times during our relationship, and came close to it more times than I can count. The pain was so extreme it brought me to tears, and shut everything down. It came to a point where if I thought it was about to happen, I would crawl away from him, sometimes in tears, and curl in to myself. Often, I would have panic attacks during sex, or after. When we broke up, I told him how scared I always was. He said he never thought it was a big deal.
I Don’t Know How To Tell My Daughter
I want to make this short and to the point, as best as I can.
My husband was abused (mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually) by members of his family. His father sexually abused him as a child, his mother and grandparents covered up the abuse, and outside the sexual abuse incident, they themselves were physically and emotionally abusive. When we met, I didn’t know this, and he’d blocked much of it out, or pushed it down and chose not accept what happened to him. It’s taken years for him to find the strength to shut these people out of his life. It’s also taken years for me to find the strength to deny his mother and her parents access to our daughter.
Happy New Year
I remember kissing you, contemplating telling you that I felt I was falling in love with you, but deciding better of it. I remember knowing I shouldn’t go to your friend’s apartment but not wanting to leave the party immediately. I remember getting there and thinking, “Now he’ll finally hold me, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”
After all, what was I doing in this apartment if I didn’t want to have sex with you? Why would I have kissed you if I wasn’t willing to go all the way? It’s not like it was anything we hadn’t done before! Didn’t I like you? I practically owed it to you, didn’t I?
It’s Not Enough
I don’t know what to do with you. Or what to say.
It never fails. I don’t think you do it on purpose.
I don’t have a great life, it’s rough for everybody and everybody gets depressed sometimes, but there are highlights. Sometimes I go out with friends to a bar, sometimes I have rehearsal for a show, sometimes I’m IN a show, like, actively onstage, and then it happens.
“I just need to tell someone, I want to die.”
“It’s not worth it anymore, goodbye. Thanks for being such a great friend.”
“I’m slashing my wrists tonight.”
At the ripe old age of 67 I have been made aware that I was sexually abused by my father.
Having a hard time dealing with this truth, still do not want to face this even though I know it is true.
Would like to talk to others with a similar story.
You know who you are.
Why us? Why anyone? They say you have a pregnant girlfriend, but you attacked us anyway. In front of our own.
I’m not going to let you ruin my life. I never knew you. I had never even seen you before, but there you were in that parking lot.
Why us? Did we look rich? Or were two young moms just easy targets?
We had almost nothing of value. We are months behind on rent and jobless. We are struggling to keep food on the table for even our kids.
But you took what little we had. You took our valuables. You took our children’s innocence. You took our bodies and used them like disposable toys.