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Sucker Punch

It would have been simpler if you had just hit me with your fist. 

It would have hurt less had curled your fingers up and slammed your fist into my gut.

No. Oh no, you would never hit me. You claimed you would never give in to the urge to physically hurt me. You denied that the urge was there, but I could see it. Please. After nine years I can read you like a book.

On the good days we inspired each other, brought out the best in each other. On the bad days we would stand, six inches apart, applying the verbal lash over and over. Flaying one another to the bone, stripping defenses down until nerves were raw and exposed. 

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #emotional abuse
    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #Infertility
    • #relationships
    • #Marriage And Partnership
    • #marriage problems
    • #feelings
    • #anger
  • 1 week ago
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A Moment In My Past

Going through old emails, I found interesting things. I was in the middle of my “Boy of the Week/Cursed Vagina” phase. I fought for every single one of those boys when that week was up and they decided to end things (with the exception of Irish Guy since I was the one that ended that - with good reason). I remember fighting with The Genius because his reason for ending things was that his friends didn’t like the fact that I had kids.

Looking back, it was probably stupid of me to fight them over it. Maybe it was the fact that I was jumping in with both feet every time that was driving them away. Or maybe I was just waiting for the guy who knew that the jumping in, the giving so much away, was a misdirection to keep them from seeing the parts of me that I didn’t want anyone to see.

I’ve found that man, the one that stuck with me through that and who I have stuck with through hard times.

But here’s a window into my past.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #relationships
    • #help with relationships
    • #how to have healthy romantic relationships
    • #feelings
  • 2 weeks ago
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A Letter I Can’t Send: To My First Love

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

You were my first love, there’s no doubt about it.

It’s a week from our anniversary, April 8. Happy anniversary baby, I wish I would be able to say that to you on that day. I won’t be able to and there’s no one to blame except me. 

I’m so scared. I feel like I made the wrong choice, but I had a good reason why I did what I did. I know I broke your heart. I heard it in your voice during our last phone call. I can’t even express how much it hurt to say I didn’t love you - it felt like someone was ripping my heart out. I never felt so hurt in my life, but I will never be able to know how badly I hurt you.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #heartbreak
    • #breakups
    • #relationships
    • #help with relationships
    • #love
  • 1 month ago
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A Letter I Can’t Send to my Ex-Fiance

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

Because of recent events, you are back in my life.

Not physically, but you occupy my brain and I feel angry. I was just starting to move on and there you are. Just like every time I leave. This time is different, though. I no longer want what we had, but I am still very angry. And hurt. And angry because I’m still hurt. 

On some days, I wonder if it will make me feel better if I sent you something. Maybe start me down the road of finally forgetting you. Moving on to a life I so deserve. But I know that you still think that it was my decision and if I had only stayed, things would have gotten better.

But I know.

I know nothing would have changed. For 3 years, nothing changed. The empty promises never changed. The looks of disgust you reserved solely for me never changed. The venom you spat never changed. The repetitive but half-hearted apologies never changed.

We never changed.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #emotional abuse
    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #relationships
    • #love
  • 1 month ago
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Machismo Alive And Well

I am a young woman who just left my abuser.

It happened today.

As a bit of background, I am American and my fiance is Mexican. We had our cultural differences but I am studying a good bit of Latino studies and Spanish at college, so the culture isn’t foreign to me; I am mostly bilingual. I have been living with my fiance and future relatives for about a month and a half.

It was the typical machista stuff. He told me what to wear, how to cut my hair, how to wash dishes, mop floors, do laundry, and any other household chore you can think of. He told me how frequently I should bathe, when I could descansar (‘rest’ in Spanish), and when I should be working. He didn’t ask me to help with dinner, but would instead tell me.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #Abuse
    • #Domestic Abuse
    • #Emotional Abuse
    • #I Am The Face Of Domestic Abuse
    • #Breakups
    • #Heartbreak
    • #Marriage And Partnership
    • #Marriage Problems
    • #How To Cope With Domestic Abuse
    • #How To Help A Friend Who Is Being Abused
    • #Love
  • 2 months ago
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Lost Is How I’m Feeling Right Now

Single parenting has many challenges, especially when the custodial parent feels overwhelmed and unsupported.

This is her story.

I suppose I’ll start with our marriage and divorce. Bottom line is, we never should have gotten married. Admittedly, we were that couple that got pregnant quickly and rushed into marriage due to family pressure and because we THOUGHT it was the right thing to do. Add a basically bad love match to all the other problems we faced - financial difficulties, PPD, and substance abuse - it was a recipe for disaster.

We divorced about four years later.

One of the reasons I left my ex was because we disagreed on what our roles were. He was perfectly okay with working a full time job and leaving everything else to me. I didn’t agree with that (especially since I worked, too). I suppose it’s no surprise that now that we are divorced, his participation is even lower.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #Single parenting
    • #parenting
    • #relationships
    • #divorce
    • #marriage problems
    • #help with parenting
  • 2 months ago
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A Letter To My Ex

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

- See more at: http://bandbacktogether.com/post/3442/#sthash.frndD1WD.dpuf

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

- See more at: http://bandbacktogether.com/post/3442/#sthash.frndD1WD.dpuf

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

- See more at: http://bandbacktogether.com/post/3442/#sthash.frndD1WD.dpuf

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

- See more at: http://bandbacktogether.com/post/3442/#sthash.frndD1WD.dpuf

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser. Letters where actual contact is just not possible for whatever reason.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

If so, send it to The Band.

I struggle with how to open this letter.

“Dear” implies that there are nice warm words involved and I honestly have nothing nice to say to you. “To whom it may concern” is really too formal and I need you to know this letter is intended for you. So I am just going to write in hopes one day you will stumble across this and just know that this letter was meant for you. 

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #parenting
    • #Single parenting
    • #relationships
    • #blended families
    • #Marriage And Partnership
    • #marriage problems
    • #a letter I can't send
    • #it's complicated
    • #love
  • 2 months ago
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Finding The Light

Change can be frightening and difficult for some people, but for others it can be empowering.

This is her story.

This world of mine changes so quickly and drastically, I can hardly keep up.

A year ago I was physically in the same location as I am now, but I can hardly recognize my past self.

A year ago, I was in a serious, long-term, committed relationship. I threw myself into it, determined and convinced that we would be together forever. I was going to marry this boy.

A year ago, I was so delighted to have my best friend back in the country that I spent time with no one but her. My weekdays were spent with the boyfriend. My weekends were reserved for my best friend. We were each others’ top priority.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #relationships
    • #long-distance relationships
    • #help with relationships
    • #how to have healthy romantic relationships
    • #faith
    • #Flings Glitter!
    • #friendship
    • #hope
    • #love
  • 2 months ago
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How Long Does A Broken Heart Last?

The breakup of a romantic relationship can be hard to get over, even years later. This is her story.

The terrible thing about being on Facebook is how one person’s status update can mess up your entire day, like when a former classmate posts about attending the wedding of the first boy you dated.

Then you suddenly remember that you are divorced and depressed and everyone else is just getting married.

And then you remember the “one that got away.”

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #relationships
  • 4 months ago
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A Letter I Can’t Send: To My Best Friend


We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t. A letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser.

Letters where actual contact is just not possible.

Do you have a letter you can’t send?

Why not send it to The Band?

Hey You,

When I talked to you two nights ago, I meant what I said: I miss you. I can’t convey just how much I mean that.

There are so many things unsaid between us. I’ve been thinking really hard about us for months. I was going through some family letters that my sister had saved, and I found a letter I had written when you and I were dating. I was STUNNED by what I read in that letter.

I’d forgotten all about it.

You were the first man who ever told me he loved me.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #divorce
    • #Marriage And Partnership
    • #how to help a friend deal with divorce
    • #a letter I can't send
    • #Friendships
    • #it's complicated
    • #love
    • #jealousy
  • 4 months ago
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Photos

“All photographs are accurate. None of them is the truth.”

-Richard Avedon

I love photographs.

I love taking them, looking at them, sharing them with others. My partner jokes that our sonwas one of the most photographed babies in the world. I may not be the best photographer in the world, but I enjoy it.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #Friendships
    • #love
    • #happiness
    • #sadness
  • 8 months ago
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A Letter I Can’t Send: A Letter To My Son

We all have letters we’d like to send, but know that we can’t - a letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser, letters where actual contact is just not possible for whatever reason.

Do you have a letter you’d like to send but can’t? If so, send it to us.

Please keep in mind the mission of Band Back Together and the Guidelines for Submission when writing your letter. This isn’t the place for rants, cruelty or judgment, but a place for you to write it out to help you heal.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #parenting
    • #Parenting teens
    • #Puberty In Boys
    • #How to cope with being bullied
    • #How to heal from being bullied
    • #A letter I can't send
    • #Love
  • 8 months ago
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Fed Up And Frustrated

Hey There Band,

I’ve been meaning to write a post - a few posts, actually - for a long time. However, it seems that no matter what I do, it ends up a long-winded, horrible brick of text that I know I would not behappy with. I scrap it. Throw it to the proverbial hounds of the interbutts, and move on.

Tonight, I’m going to change that. Why? For one sole reason: I am fucking fed up.

My mother has taken up my father’s alcoholic legacy, determined to do his dawn-til-dusk habit justice in light of his recent passing. He died a little over a year ago.

I’m tired of fighting with her about her drinking. About her smoking. About… everything.

I’ve been trying to save money so that I coulddo something with my life. I had three amazing scholarships and so much potential that I threw away for an eating disorder. I’ve been going nowhere for over two years, now. I consoled myself with sex, drugs and starvation but now that I have none of the above, well, I want more for my life.

Where did my hard-earned money go?

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #Date/Acquaintance Rape
    • #Psychological Manipulation
    • #breakups
    • #economic struggles
    • #how to deal with a self-destructive friend
    • #how to increase self-esteem
    • #loving someone with depression
    • #how to have healthy romantic relationships
    • #how to help a friend after a rape
    • #friendships
    • #self esteem
    • #parent loss
    • #alcoholism
    • #substance abuse
    • #Adult Child of an Addict
    • #eating disorders
    • #anorexia nervosa
    • #social isolation
    • #depression
  • 8 months ago
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Doing The Right Thing Doesn’t Always Feel Great

*Sigh…*

I feel like this is such an unimportant problem, but I need to share with someone, anyone, maybe get a little sunshine in my life by relieving a little of this sad-stress. So I turn to you, The Band.

I’d had a wonderful relationship with a guy whom I’d been friends with - we liked the same things, had the same ideas and desires, and one day we realized that we had feelings for each other. I quickly fell in love (hell, I fell head-over-heels for the guy) as did he.

All was great.

But my depression and mood swings were hard on both of us - it was my first relationship and Ifelt unworthy of him. I let my insecurities; my fears take over, which pushed him away. Eventually, he began to feel it wasn’t working but didn’t want to break up, so he began to push me away, breaking both our hearts. 

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #Breakups
    • #Relationships
    • #How To Help Someone Who Is Depressed
    • #Loving Someone With Depression
    • #Love
    • #Self Esteem
    • #Sadness
    • #Depression
    • #Major Depressive Disorder
    • #Stress
  • 8 months ago
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He Lied. Again.

So much has happened in the past few months. I’m still trying to stop myself from spinning.

My girl was born, and while it was the longest two days of my life, she was worth it all. My little angel. This little girl - this miracle - saved my life. But more than that, she’s made me a better person.

She is perfect, and she saved my family from destruction. She will never know the man who fathered her (I was date raped) nor will she know the man who promised to always be there for her.

Why?

He left us.

After she was born, he and I started talking again. It felt perfect - like it was before the drama - and, like a total idiot, I trusted him.Again.

Everything was going well, better than I’d expected. He loved my baby girl as much as I did. She wasn’t biologically his, but still he wanted to be her “father.” To stand with us. He even stood up to his parents, told them to let him do this; that it was his choice.

I thought it was going to work. I still am in love with him, and he knew it. I thought, by the way he talked and acted, he loved me too.

Then, he told me he didn’t love me; that I was more than a friend but not someone to love. I was hurt.

I gave him an ultimatum: love my daughter; always be there for her, or leave.

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Source: bandbacktogether.com

    • #breakups
    • #heartbreak
    • #Single parenting
    • #relationships
    • #abandonment
    • #how to have healthy romantic relationships
    • #love
    • #self esteem
  • 9 months ago
  • 3
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About

Band Back Together is a group weblog that provides educational resources as well as a safe, moderated, supportive environment to share stories of survival. Through the power of real stories written by real people, we can work together to destigmatize mental illness, abuse, rape, baby loss and other traumas so that we may learn, grow, and heal.

On Band Back Together, we put a face to things not normally discussed. We are the face of depression. We are the face of baby loss. We are the face of mental illness. We are the face of abuse. We are the face of rape. We are the face of SURVIVORS and we are proud to be here. We wear our scars proudly, like battle wounds because everything we've survived has made us who we are today: better, stronger, and smarter.

It's time to pull our skeletons out of the closet and make them dance the tango.

We will no longer let our secrets fester inside. We will no longer live in the dark.

All are welcome.

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The Band Back Together Project, its host, editors, moderators, staff and volunteers are not responsible for any decisions you make directly or indirectly as a result of content on this site. This site does not claim to diagnose, treat, or cure any medical or emotional problems. The site is not intended to replace the care of a doctor, psychologist, counselor, or other health-care professional, nor the advice of legal counsel. . Effector Theme by Carlo Franco.

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