Something awful happened yesterday.
Suddenly looking through my Facebook and Twitter feeds I found out that there had been several explosions at the Boston Marathon.
Explosions. Injuries. Fatalities.
Unfathomable situations to consider.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Okay, maybe not.
The fact that I love my husband deeply might cause problems.
And I noticed you already had a wedding band (don’t ask me why I noticed, I just did. I was single for a long time, sheesh). But there must be some way to show the world how deeply I esteem you. How deeply I appreciate you. You have made our family so happy. You are one great doctor.
Are you all wondering whether I’ve had liposuction? Or maybe if my colitis has been cured? Or that I’ve grown five inches? No. Dr. Adler is neither a plastic surgeon nor a gastroenterologist. Dr. Adler is a pediatric neurosurgeon.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
A diagnosis of cancer affects the entire family.
This is her story.
Two years ago, my sister was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer.
She was 35 at the time, had a twelve year old son, ten year old daughter, and a three year old daughter. She underwent months of radiation, a double mastectomy and then months of chemotherapy. Six lymph nodes were also affected.
Just a few of months ago she got the all clear from her oncologist that he didn’t need to see her anymore, that she was cancer free.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
The day has come.
I am going to be 30 in April.
I wasn’t going to be one of those people who freaked out about turning the big 3-0. I was going to take the bull by the horns as it were and ride…or so I thought.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Mental illness can evolve and change throughout a person’s entire life. Often, new symptoms can appear or worsen.
This is her story.
Growing up, one of my best friends struggled with her family life.
Her father is a bipolar schizophrenic who has attempted suicide several times. After the divorce her mother struggled with drugs. My friend is an bright, intelligent, driven, talented young lady, but this post isn’t about her, really. I love her dearly, but one of the biggest roles she’s played in my life is opening my eyes to how difficult life can be for those who love individuals with psychological health issues.
Like me.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
I live by parameters.
My mother drilled into me two fears; the fear of not being productive enough and the fear of repercussion.
Always being obedient, always being highly productive, always caring what people think about me is the main source of my anxiety. I MUST achieve. I MUST fear what will happen if I don’t, if I’m not good enough, if I’m coloring outside the lines.
I don’t know where the parameters came from that I once decided I have to live by. I just know they are there and if I dare to step outside them, I will be “in trouble.”
I am a 31 year old woman, and I find myself thinking this, even saying this: I don’t want to get into trouble.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Sometimes the funniest among us are those with the hardest of problems.
This is her story:
I’m pretty good at being the class clown and making people laugh around here. I’m usually able to come up with something positive or an uplifting story when the editors call for lighthearted posts.
So when it feels like life is dark, I have a hard time letting it be known. Of course, when the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of change, I’ll do something different. I’ll reach out on Twitter, and sometimes I’ll even post about it here with The Band.
It’s one of those times.
Sunshine works in construction, which means that there can be great seasonal fluctuations in our household income. This year, we went beyond a fluctuation; the work dried up around Thanksgiving, which means the income went away. Literally, we have had three checks come in since Thanksgiving. Three checks that have not been enough to cover our expenses, much less The Christmas. We tore through the company’s meager operating capital to survive the last couple of months.
I’m grateful that Sunshine has rubbed off on me. He firmly believes that the problems that money can solve are the good problems to have (if there is such a thing). See, we can always find a way to bring in more money; so if a problem can be solved by throwing money at it, it’s not a bad problem to have. It’s the problems that money can’t solve that we don’t want: health issues, heartbreaks, shit like that.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
I have been quite a groupie for some time now, The Band. I’ve been dutifully reading, drawing strength, and learning to forgo judgment in light of acceptance and perseverance from all of you fine people.
I’ve yet to have the courage to post.
Until now.
I’m historically horrendous at talking to anyone about anything, but that’s something all of you have helped me with as well so cheers to my debut.
I plan on becoming a regular contributor if you’ll have me, so hopefully we’ll get plenty of time to chat about what I mean by a “rough couple of years” (cue illness, surgery, anxiety, ya know, the usual).
Trying to drum up a post the last few weeks I have mostly come up with harrowing, hard to talk about tales and couldn’t settle on how I wanted to introduce myself.
Until today.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Dreams.
We all have them. Some dreams are as simple as getting a full night’s sleep or getting an extra twenty minutes in at the gym. Others are more complicated - going back to school, making partner at your firm, taking that dream cruise through Alaska.
But we all have them. Sometimes, our dreams are what keep us going through the very darkest of times.
So what are your dreams, The Band? What will you do one day?
I have a lot of fear.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Right now, you are a in a lot of pain; you are confused and your life appears to have been dismantled as you helplessly looked on.
You are about to deal with your fear and confusion by becoming angry. You will rationalise this in later years as ‘taking control of your life’ but I am telling you now, that this anger is driven by fear.
You will not accept or understand this for 35 years, unless you listen to me now.
If I was standing in front of you now, I would like to take you in my arms and talk to you about how you feel and explain a few things. Why have you always felt that you are a loner? Why has your family looked different from others, with you never seeing any affection between Mum and Dad, the constant rows, the underlying tension?
You should know that it is not okay to be hit and humiliated. It is not okay to see the same thing happen to your brother. It is not okay to see it happen to your mother. You should accept that your father is a very scary man. But to do this means that you will have to accept that your family is abnormal and you can’t stand the stigma.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
I wrote a book about growing up in an incestuous family. I even published my book
Now, my family has found the book I’d written. Whee!
Honestly, I’m scared. No, terrified.
I’d be less upset if I didn’t know about my dad’s illegal automatic rifles. I don’t really think my brother would shoot me…. but no one ever thinks that, do they?
I feel scared.
How does one perform a risk assessment for something like this? Am I supposed to move on with my life; acting like everything is okay? Because, in the family I was born into, everything isokay.
It’s those other people I’m worried about.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Dreams.
We all have them. Some dreams are as simple as getting a full night’s sleep or getting an extra twenty minutes in at the gym. Others are more complicated - going back to school, making partner at your firm, taking that dream cruise through Alaska.
But we all have them. Sometimes, our dreams are what keep us going through the very darkest of times.
So what are your dreams, The Band? What will you do one day?
I should probably be like this all year, and not just in January when everybody is making New Year’s resolutions. One thing I’ve learned in recovery is that every day is a chance to start over. Every day is a new start on life.
I think Misty would want me to live like I believed that. I think Misty would want me to think about the shit I’m gonna do one day and then do it today.
Source: bandbacktogether.com
Over 90% of children who are sexually abused know their attacker.
This is her story; a story of an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse:
Recently a friend gently pointed out that the way I write about family isn’t exactly… standard. The kind of help I think I’d get is fairly unusual. I couldn’t name a close friend who has the kind of relationship with their family I write about wanting. No one has family who just shows up to take care of you - that isn’t how things work in America. To this I reply:
“Ah, okay. You think I have a mental model of a healthy family with boundaries. Hahahahaha. No. I come from a crazy codependent family. What I talk about wanting is what I have seen. I long for family from watching the way that people treated my sister after she had kids. Quite frankly, folks worried that she was incompetent and immature, so they showed up and helped. My mom did. My aunt did. My brother did. I did. Sometimes our cousins helped, too.”
Source: bandbacktogether.com
